“Don’t put that in your mouth!” 

 “Stop doing that!”   

"No!" 

When I was in graduate training, one of the most helpful and useful tools I learned was the dead person rule. No, I am not about to launch into some morbid explanation about behavior.  

The dead person rule refers to a parenting behavior management principle. Avoid using language that a dead person could do. Instead, use language that specifically describes what someone should be 

doing rather than what they should not be doing. 

Instead of "Don't touch that,"  say "Put your hands on the table." 

Instead of "Stop pulling your sister's hair," say "Please move your seat over there." 

This helps the child to understand what is expected of them and helps to redirect unwanted behavior in a non-punitive way. 

Try it and see if it helps to create a calmer and clearer environment for your family

Parenting: New Perspectives

As a parent of a preschooler and an infant, I have developed a different perspective of many elements from my professional training. I didn't really truly know how challenging parenting can be until I lived it.  

Here are just a few concepts that I have gained a new and different appreciation for after becoming a parent: 

How challenging managing typical toddler behavior can be. 

How stimulus control, when children respond a certain way to one stimulus, (I.e., one parent) and a different way to another, affects behavior. 

How easy it is to take non-compliance personally.  

How easy it is to resort to yelling. 

The pressure to do more. 

The pressure to do less. 

Increasing awareness of possible judgment. 

Increasing awareness of parenting expectations. 

How intense sleep deprivation really is. 

The challenges faced when planning child care. 

How every second of your life must be accounted for.  

How exciting a child- free 30 min trip to Target can be. 

How exciting witnessing childhood milestones can be. 

How often we check and make sure our children are breathing. 

How easy it is to say "stop" and "no" instead of "keep the plate on the table" and "yes, you can have some after dinner." 

What rushing truly is like. 

How spit up and a poop explosion can dramatically affect your schedule. 

How precious sleep is. 

The importance of family time. 

The importance of prioritizing your marriage. 

The desire to have multiple roles. 

How much anxiety can be present when making parenting decisions. 

How scary ER visits are. 

The challenges of caring for a sick child. 

The challenges of caring for a healthy child. 

How deep love can go. 

Our appreciation of life events and circumstances change as we have more experiences throughout our life span. I am eager to see how my perspective changes in these areas as my children grow.  

How has your perspective changed? 

Making a Change

It's the start of a new season. School is back in session. We are going from summer to fall. And yet many of us are stuck doing the same old habits. 

What if there were a way to effectively and safely change a behavior? There is! It is important to make sure any method used is backed by science and research before setting off on a new lifestyle. 

First, if you want to change a habit, you need to define it. While "living a healthier lifestyle" is an admirable goal and sounds great on the surface, what does this really mean? Does it involve changes in exercise, diet, relationships, work, friendships, or social media use? Let's say we target the domain of exercise for example. This is still not specific enough. Does this mean exercise running on a treadmill, kayaking down a river, going to the gym, or swimming? It is important to specifically define a target behavior before starting anything else with changing a behavior. You have to know what you are changing before you change it. An example of a well-defined target behavior for change would be "exercise as defined by walking, running, jogging, stretching, or doing yoga either at the gym or at home." 

Next, you will need to track how often you are currently engaging in the target behavior and then modify the goal as needed. There are a variety of ways to track behavior, also known as collecting data. It is important to choose a method that is easy to use and not overwhelming. It can be as simple as writing down the amount of time you spend and type of exercise each day for a period of 2 weeks or more involved such as tracking the duration to spend at each time of exercise. This is to be done before any intervention is created and used, so you can get an accurate idea of how often you are currently engaging in the behavior and a baseline for measuring progress. 

Next, you will use this information to revise your goal and develop an intervention plan targeting your specific goal. An example of a specific and measurable goal is "exercise 3 days a week at the gym for 30 minutes and 1 day a week at home for 30 minutes." This is also when the use of reinforcement comes in. This means using a reinforcer, or something pleasurable and rewarding, to reinforcing meeting goals. The intervention may involve redirection, problem solving, or the help of a professional. 

If you want to dig deeper into these concepts and more, you can access my very affordable Behavior Change Ahead online course. You will have unlimited 24/7 access to 4 hours of content walking you through how to make a behavior change effectively and with science on your side. Here is the link.

Making the Most of College

It's that time of year again- returning and first-time students are transitioning into the college semester. Depending on the academic calendar, some of you have already attended classes and others may be preparing for a start in a few weeks. Whichever your status, I hope to share with you some tips to help make the college experience successful, fun, meaningful, and smooth. 

First, get involved in the experience. If you just go to class and then go home or back to your dorm room or apartment, you are not getting the total package. College is what you make it.  I challenge you to attend a club fair, make a new friend, join a club, start a study group, or volunteer on campus. If you feel very anxious in these social situations, these are great ways of exposing yourself to the anxiety and helping you overcome it. When students are involved on campus, it can greatly enhance the experience for them. 

Don't freak out when you read a syllabus for the first time. Remember that a syllabus is a summary of an entire semester, which will cover 14-15 weeks worth of work. It is important to read and re-read each syllabus again outside of the classroom to see if you have questions and to organize deadlines and due dates. The syllabus is a very useful tool and should not be ignored. You can plan out in advance when you will compete work and know before the night before something is due if there is a conflict, question, problem, or misunderstanding.  

Attend class. Even if attendance is not taken or counted towards your grade. As tempting as it is to sleep in, take a last minute trip, or study on your own, there is no good-enough make-up for missing class other than going to class or another section (as long as the professor allows). If you must miss class, and this is likely to happen because you may get sick or have an emergency, let your professor know as soon as you can.  Get contact information from peers in class and find out what you missed. Ask to attend a different section of the class is available to make up the lecture. 

Listen to these brief audio workshops about how to have a successful and great college experience. I share about how to deal with test anxiety, being mindful, how to utilize resources on campus, managing your time, choosing colleges, and being financially prepared. You will have unlimited 24/7 access to the recordings for review at any time. You can access them here. 

Now, go and have an awesome semester!

Changing Your Parenting Perspective

The way we think about our world, experiences, past, present, and future matters. For this reason, I am sharing this interesting article I came across about the way we think about parenting. I hope that you find it as inspiring and helpful as I do.

Being the parent of a toddler is not an easy task. For those parents out there, I am sure you can relate. Days can be long. Nights can be short. Sleep can be lacking. Energy can be completely sapped. During these challenges, however, are tiny little eyes and ears soaking up how you approach stress, your experiences, and how you model coping skills. This includes how you parent. Little ones are paying attention to so much more than we think.

This article highlights a pivotal change in thinking as a parent- the true privileges we experience in the day-to-day moments as a parent. I hope that it challenges you to change your perspective and embrace the fun and difficult moments in the day.

The Two Words That Can Transform Your Parenting