Independence is a valued characteristic and behavior for many families and individuals. From infancy to toddlerhood, parents actively work to reinforce successive approximations of independent behavior. Parents are aware of the important developmental milestones and are discussing concerns with pediatricians when their child is struggling in an area. Caregivers cheer and celebrate when kids learn to walk without assistance, use a fork to feed themselves, or communicate their needs with a growing vocabulary. As kids mature, they gain more skills rapidly and a desire to do things on their own that continues to grow inside them through adulthood. From a parenting perspective, this can feel scary when our kids want to take age-appropriate risks like climbing a playground structure or walk to a friend’s house in another area of the neighborhood by themselves. Parents often experience stress when their kids want to “help” in the kitchen or with chores. These behaviors are actually excellent for childhood development and require parents and caregivers to allow their kids to try something new on their own and experience the natural outcomes whether it is success or failure. Adults may want to rescue kids by challenging a teacher on a grade, having conversations for their teen rather than the teen doing it themselves, or, yes, even emailing college professors to ask for help instead of their own young adult college student.
The Let Grow movement is an excellent resource for schools and families to gain ideas for building childhood independence skills. Excitingly, there is also an emerging research-based treatment called Independence Focused Treatment for Childhood Anxiety that shows promise for helping kids overcome anxiety with independence activities. These available resources can help to support adults allow the children they care for to grow and flourish and build up their independence.
Building independence is a common therapy goals in my practice. As a psychologist, I can also provide help utilizing Independence Focused Treatment for Childhood Anxiety. Feel free to contact me for more information.
Enjoy letting go and letting grow by letting your children play and challenge themselves! You will be amazed and they will be too!
