"Hakuna Matata"

 

"Hakuna Matata- it means no worries" (from The Lion King). This is a phrase I often sing to my baby. We even put a picture of the phrase on his nursery wall. As a Mommy, I never want my son to feel anything but happy and I don't want him to ever feel anxious. As a Psychologist, I actually do want him to experience worry and anxiety at certain points in his life, within reason. Why?  

 

It is unrealistic and unhelpful to be happy and carefree all of the time. Negative emotions such as anxiety, sadness, and anger serve as motivation to make changes in our life. These feelings provide feedback to us that something is not quite right, very wrong, unsafe, dangerous, or not the right fit for us. It can also be an indicator that we need to develop better coping skills or seek professional help. 

 

As parents, we might want to rescue or save our children from worries and anxious feelings. I believe this is a natural parental reaction. But attempts to save your child from anxiety can actually be making anxiety stronger. 

 

Picture this. A child we will call Bobby is looking at a group of peers playing at a birthday party. Mom and Dad know that Bobby has concerns about playing with new people and is nervous to initiate play. Mom and Dad want him to have fun and end his anxiety so they bring him over to the group of peers and the parents initiate the play for him. They might say, "Bobby wants to play with you. Can he join in?" Sounds ok enough, right? Sure, Bobby can now play with his peers. But let's suppose there is a problem during the play such as a peer takes a toy away from him. Bobby becomes nervous and looks for parental support to solve the problem for him. In fact, Bobby learns to wait for his parents to initiate play for him in the future too. Bobby has just given his anxiety and worries a big reward by allowing his parents to speak for him. Bobby learns that he is not strong enough to deal with his worries, so he is likely to avoid situations on his own unless a parent is there to speak and solve problems for him. 

 

This is one example of how anxiety can be reinforced. There are other ways anxiety can be reinforced and other circumstances when it is totally appropriate and helpful for parents to help their children initiate play and solve problems as described above. My goal in this month's post is to challenge parents to take a deeper look into their child's behavior and see if anxiety has been reinforced accidentally. You can discuss your observations and concerns with a mental health professional who can help you with managing your child's behavior. 

 

I hope you and your children do not have too many worries and that you can recognize anxious feelings as providing you with valuable information. 

 

And maybe sing a song of "Hakuna Matata" to someone today.

College, Work, and Fun, Oh My!

It is not uncommon for college students to experience a wide range of emotions during the course of their study. The transition from high school to college and then college to employment/career/graduate school can be difficult, exciting, anxiety provoking, smooth, or any other description of personal experience. Anxiety and stress are common culprits that affect today's college students.  

 

College students receive syllabi that cover several (usually 14 or 15) weeks of assignments, responsibilities, due dates, and schedules for several classes. For students who are really good at organization, time management, and planning, figuring out how to organize themselves for the next few months might not be so difficult for them. Having the energy, the time, and the skills to develop an effective plan for being successful each semester and the entire academic career is hard work, even if you have strengths in the aforementioned areas. 

 

During the course of college, students may experience anxiety related to academic, personal, and/or professional situations.  These situations may include test anxiety, romantic relationships, roommates, living away from home, commuting, balancing work and school, making friends, nutrition, completing assignments on time, technology, communication, and more. There are a variety of resources students can access to help cope with these areas. Students can explore the availability of a campus counseling center to receive personal counseling or an academic center that can help with academic skills.  

 

It is essential to develop effective coping, time management, and stress management skills to utilize during the college experience. College doesn’t have to be stressful, negative, or boring. Students can experience success and fun. 

 

If you would like to learn more about developing effective skills for studying, time management, stress management, and being successful in college, I offer a package of 9 audio workshops that provides information regarding these areas. You can learn more about this package on my website. 

Live Meaningfully With Anxiety

Living with anxiety can be overwhelming, smothering, and in some cases, debilitating. Living with anxiety can also be meaningful, purposeful, and embraced. Yes, that is what you just read. For those of you reading this post who suffer from anxiety, you may think I am kidding. I'm not. 

 

The truth is that we all experience anxiety in one form or another. There are many purposes for the experience of this uncomfortable, yucky, and scary feeling. Anxiety is necessary for survival. Our bodies and brain provide feedback to us when we are in a potentially dangerous situation. Anxiety can motivate us to change our current situation. Anxiety prepares us for novel experiences and difficult tasks such as a job interview or test. 

 

We know from research that a little bit of anxiety can be helpful, but too much or too little could hurt our performance. This is explained by the Yerkes-Dodson Law. A simple diagram can be found on this website.

 

Basically, anxiety can be used for helpful and purposeful activities, when in moderation. Too much anxiety is what leads to feelings of being smothered and wanting to avoid the world around us. Many students describe this feeling as their mind "going blank" when taking a test. Too little anxiety can lead to being unprepared for new and difficult tasks.  

 

It is important to remember that anxiety has a purpose. We can check in to our surroundings, environment, habits, activities, and lifestyle. Is there a change that needs to be made? 

 

This information is one of the reasons I created the Live Meaningfully With Anxiety Room. There are several recordings available that explain how to live with anxiety in a healthy way. These resources are completely and totally free. You can access them here. 

 

Please seek the support of a mental health professional if you experience increased anxiety.

Why I Love Starbucks (And I Don't Even Life Coffee)

I don't like coffee. The taste specifically. I do, however, love the smell of coffee.  In fact, I have some warm memories associated with smelling coffee. Saturday morning breakfast at McDonalds (both as an employee-yes, my first job was at McDonalds at 14 and I loved it- and as a consumer with my Dad and siblings before working together at the store he manages). Window shopping during the holidays sipping a Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks (not too much, if any, coffee in that). Fellowship hour after church. Chatting with friends on big couches. My first date with my husband (who doesn't like coffee either). Meeting new colleagues. Networking. Business meetings with my coaching business partner. Spending time with friends and family.

I think Starbucks has an odd way of bringing people together in a non-threatening sort of way. The other day I was walking into Starbucks for some meetings with new colleagues to discuss our practices, goals, and experiences when I ran into an old college friend. Once I arrived inside to meet my colleague, I saw my brother-in-law meeting with his video production company business partners at a nearby table. Out of all of the Starbucks in my county, we all chose this one at the same time.

Every time I am in Starbucks or reflect upon a recent visit, I ponder about all of the good, the bad, the ugly, the cool, and the scary things happening in there. What great projects are being launched? Who is studying for a big test for school? What kind of book is an author writing? What relationships are beginning? What relationships are ending? Who is trying to repair a hurt? Who is trying to resolve an issue? Who is trying to fix problems in a relationship? What great ideas are being discovered? What kinds of relaxation techniques are being used? Is everyone being mindful?

When I would like to meet with colleagues, I usually suggest Starbucks. I find that I can be very mindful and get a lot accomplished and stay relaxed there. I also enjoy thinking up reasons for other people to be there as well. I am not going there for the coffee. I am going there for the people (and some of their yummy drinks and snacks too).

I am reminded of a short story someone once shared with me: The Mayonnaise Jar and Two Cups of Coffee, author unknown. I have included it here.

                            The Mayonnaise Jar and Two Cups of Coffee
"When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.  They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions--and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.
The sand is everything else--the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first--the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of

Telepsychology: I'm So Excited For Step 3!

And here we are...Step 3. I am super excited to be writing this month's article. I am feeling full of gratitude, hope, and love as I am developing some new telepsychology programs and expanding current ones in my practice. This is an exciting time to be active as a psychologist, as I am watching the field evolve in front of me and within me. I am striving to embody the new changes while providing effective care.  I know my colleagues are as well. 

There are so many options available to you. From apps and video sessions to virtual reality offices and in-person visits. E-mail, online chat, text messaging, and phone mediums are up for grabs. Which is the right one for you? Goodness of fit is an important factor of the therapeutic relationship, which in turn affects the outcome of treatment. The fit I am speaking of is not only between the client and therapist, but also the method they use to work together as well.  

Telepsychology services might be a great option for you and they might not. Phone sessions might be really convenient, or they might not. Perhaps information gathering, such as an online educational group (see below), is appropriate for you, but you prefer therapy sessions in-person. Goodness of fit varies from person-to-person, and this is healthy. I am hoping to encourage the community to step out of the comfort zone (after all, with preparation and skills, stepping out can lead to amazing growth), and explore the multitude of treatment and educational options available. Communities no longer need to be inhibited by location, income, anxiety, transportation, distance, or schedules.  

I wish to communicate some telepsychology options available in my practice. Lets explore if we and any of these options might be a good fit for you. 

Dr. Laura on Demand App 

This is a brand new feature. Download it for free here. The Dr. Laura on Demand app allows you to contact me quickly and conveniently, read and watch meaningful content, articles, and resources, schedule appointments, and access unique discounts on services. 

Live Meaningfully With Anxiety Room 

Opening in early 2015, the Live Meaningfully With Anxiety Room is an online resource to help people dealing with anxiety to live healthy and fulfilling lives. Purchasing access to the Room will allow 24/7 availability of resources for dealing with anxiety, including panic-attack talk-downs, coping skills, the biology of anxiety, beating anxiety, progressive muscle relaxation, and more. Members will be able to log-in any time they feel anxious (as well as any other time they would like) to cope with the unpleasant feeling.  Members of the Room will receive a discount on individual therapy services if they would like to continue work on an individual and personal level. 

Behavior Management Group 

Available for parents of children aged 2-12 years, the Behavior Management Group is designed to teach strategies for dealing with problem and difficult behavior effectively, safely, and positively. This is a great option for parents who would like to manage behavior and need ideas, resources, and want to learn what works and what doesn’t. Parents can choose to participate in live workshops, or just listen to them at a later more convenient time.  There is a one-time fee for complete 24/7 access to this group and you can learn more or join here.  

There are more options available, not only in my practice, but in other psychology practices as well. I hope you find a good fit for you. 

Oh, and if any of these choices are a great fit, and you access any one of them, you will get $10 off your first therapy session should you choose to pursue individual services.

Telepsychology: The Next Step

 

In August I wrote about how online therapy can help and several factors to consider when thinking about online services. This month's article is intended to be part two, or the next step. Telepsychology and other online/remote/distance services are increasing in popularity and availability. As a psychologist, online options allow us to gain training, attend conferences, and become certified in new specialties. The availability of cell phones, tablets, computers, and other devices allow psychologists and their clients to connect in ways like never before. As you probably already know, I love providing telepsychology services. Take this next step with me and learn some more reasons why and how the practice of psychology is evolving. 

Maintain Continuity of Care 

Telepsychology allows psychologists and clients to continue working together during almost any circumstance. Whether it's travel, a long work commute, illness, child care, busyness, work, bad weather, transportation issues, or other life situation, a client can still access psychological services. To illustrate, in my last post I shared some experiences about being a new mommy. Telepsychology allowed me to continue work with my clients while I was on maternity leave and gave me the option of (warning:-total self-disclosure here) conducting sessions in pajamas with messy hair and most likely spit up on my shirt. This type of service also gave me the best opportunity of all-the ability to care for my baby and spend time with him easily while being a working mom. Telepsychology is and will be an excellent option for parents. 

 

As Effective as Face-to-Face Treatment 

Telepsychological services have demonstrated effectiveness similar to traditional office visits, based on empirical research. This means telepsychology clients can expect high quality treatment, interventions, and assessments that give the same results and contribute to mental health as effectively as in-person visits. There are a variety of programs that allow for secure video sessions, which can feel as if everyone is in the same room together. Smart phones allow for the use of texting, email, video conferencing, and app use. I look forward to reviewing more literature about the use of these technologies clinically. 

 

Access Information and Services Quickly-Connect, Collaborate, and Care 

The practice of telepsychology allows psychologists and the public to exchange and share information quickly and conveniently. I can review research, attend workshops, network with colleagues, and offer free consultations to people interested in my services easily and conveniently. Clients find greater availability and flexibility with the scheduling of online and phone sessions. There is no wait time, no travel time, and we can meet for shorter and longer periods of time. I can email interesting articles, share helpful resources and links, and monitor progress of treatment remotely.  

 

Stay (wirelessly) tuned for next month's post-in which I will be sharing information about brand new telepsychology services I will be offering. I am cooking up some very exciting options!

Journey Back to Basics

As I am writing this piece, I am reflecting on my very new journey into motherhood. I recently gave birth to my first child and I am amazed at how complicated and yet simple caring for a newborn is. I am savoring these tiny moments all the while researching, learning, practicing, asking, and trying the best ways of being a parent. So far, I have learned the importance of going back to basics. 

Preparing for the arrival of a baby can be quite daunting. There are constant conflicting messages about what you need and what you don't, what you should do and what you shouldn't, and who to trust for advice and who not to trust. For example, when we completed our registry, we were given a checklist of "must-haves" and "nice-to-haves" that spanned several pages long. Being a diligent and efficient individual, I registered for most of the-let's call them- mandatory items and several of the suggested items. Several hours later, we completed the task and returned home. Over the next several weeks leading up to Baby's arrival, we learned that we did not in fact need many of the mandatory must-have's after all. Some of the items, in fact, are actually unsafe to use. In thinking about what we really needed, we learned that a certain amount of staple supplies, and not three of everything (for example, we didn't need 3 types of strollers) are a good start. 

All of this preparation led up to Baby making his world debut! We were so surprised in the hospital to learn how basic supplies were to be used with our newborn. The "wipes" for example reminded me of dinner napkins. It turned out, they were, in fact, like napkins. We were taught to take a napkin and wet it with water and (ta-da!) you have your baby wipe. So, I didn't need to use (and still can't use) any of the store made baby wipes that we stocked up on. The same goes for diaper rash cream. The hospital supplied us with petroleum jelly to use, which is still the recommended product to use until he is 1 month of age.  All we need is a diaper, a paper towel (yes-the pediatrician said to use a wet paper towel as a wipe), and some plain petroleum jelly to change Baby. 

Bringing a baby home is such a blessing. We, as parents now, put our needs after Baby's. We are programmed to check that Baby's basic needs are being met all day and night.  Since our needs are not met first anymore, we need other people to help us. Family and friends have helped meet our needs by providing food, cleaning the house, and running errands. 

There is a related point to sharing these thoughts. When working with clients, kids and adults, it is vital to make sure basic needs are being met. If you are a parent, a teacher, a provider, a spouse, a co-worker, or a friend, we can ask: are you hungry? thirsty? tired? not feeling well? need to use the bathroom? need shelter? need clean/warmer/cooler clothing? If I would like to read Baby a story, I need to first make sure he is full, clean, well-rested, and calm. If not, Baby won't benefit from the book. If your child/student/client/patient/spouse/co-worker/friend appears upset, check that basic needs are being met before delivering an intervention. This will help them get the most out of your help. 

I hope you will join me on my motherhood journey back to basics.




#Motherhood #backtobasics