“Don’t put that in your mouth!” 

 “Stop doing that!”   

"No!" 

When I was in graduate training, one of the most helpful and useful tools I learned was the dead person rule. No, I am not about to launch into some morbid explanation about behavior.  

The dead person rule refers to a parenting behavior management principle. Avoid using language that a dead person could do. Instead, use language that specifically describes what someone should be 

doing rather than what they should not be doing. 

Instead of "Don't touch that,"  say "Put your hands on the table." 

Instead of "Stop pulling your sister's hair," say "Please move your seat over there." 

This helps the child to understand what is expected of them and helps to redirect unwanted behavior in a non-punitive way. 

Try it and see if it helps to create a calmer and clearer environment for your family

Parenting: New Perspectives

As a parent of a preschooler and an infant, I have developed a different perspective of many elements from my professional training. I didn't really truly know how challenging parenting can be until I lived it.  

Here are just a few concepts that I have gained a new and different appreciation for after becoming a parent: 

How challenging managing typical toddler behavior can be. 

How stimulus control, when children respond a certain way to one stimulus, (I.e., one parent) and a different way to another, affects behavior. 

How easy it is to take non-compliance personally.  

How easy it is to resort to yelling. 

The pressure to do more. 

The pressure to do less. 

Increasing awareness of possible judgment. 

Increasing awareness of parenting expectations. 

How intense sleep deprivation really is. 

The challenges faced when planning child care. 

How every second of your life must be accounted for.  

How exciting a child- free 30 min trip to Target can be. 

How exciting witnessing childhood milestones can be. 

How often we check and make sure our children are breathing. 

How easy it is to say "stop" and "no" instead of "keep the plate on the table" and "yes, you can have some after dinner." 

What rushing truly is like. 

How spit up and a poop explosion can dramatically affect your schedule. 

How precious sleep is. 

The importance of family time. 

The importance of prioritizing your marriage. 

The desire to have multiple roles. 

How much anxiety can be present when making parenting decisions. 

How scary ER visits are. 

The challenges of caring for a sick child. 

The challenges of caring for a healthy child. 

How deep love can go. 

Our appreciation of life events and circumstances change as we have more experiences throughout our life span. I am eager to see how my perspective changes in these areas as my children grow.  

How has your perspective changed? 

Making a Change

It's the start of a new season. School is back in session. We are going from summer to fall. And yet many of us are stuck doing the same old habits. 

What if there were a way to effectively and safely change a behavior? There is! It is important to make sure any method used is backed by science and research before setting off on a new lifestyle. 

First, if you want to change a habit, you need to define it. While "living a healthier lifestyle" is an admirable goal and sounds great on the surface, what does this really mean? Does it involve changes in exercise, diet, relationships, work, friendships, or social media use? Let's say we target the domain of exercise for example. This is still not specific enough. Does this mean exercise running on a treadmill, kayaking down a river, going to the gym, or swimming? It is important to specifically define a target behavior before starting anything else with changing a behavior. You have to know what you are changing before you change it. An example of a well-defined target behavior for change would be "exercise as defined by walking, running, jogging, stretching, or doing yoga either at the gym or at home." 

Next, you will need to track how often you are currently engaging in the target behavior and then modify the goal as needed. There are a variety of ways to track behavior, also known as collecting data. It is important to choose a method that is easy to use and not overwhelming. It can be as simple as writing down the amount of time you spend and type of exercise each day for a period of 2 weeks or more involved such as tracking the duration to spend at each time of exercise. This is to be done before any intervention is created and used, so you can get an accurate idea of how often you are currently engaging in the behavior and a baseline for measuring progress. 

Next, you will use this information to revise your goal and develop an intervention plan targeting your specific goal. An example of a specific and measurable goal is "exercise 3 days a week at the gym for 30 minutes and 1 day a week at home for 30 minutes." This is also when the use of reinforcement comes in. This means using a reinforcer, or something pleasurable and rewarding, to reinforcing meeting goals. The intervention may involve redirection, problem solving, or the help of a professional. 

If you want to dig deeper into these concepts and more, you can access my very affordable Behavior Change Ahead online course. You will have unlimited 24/7 access to 4 hours of content walking you through how to make a behavior change effectively and with science on your side. Here is the link.