The Science of Friendships

There are summer vibes in my neck of the woods. Children riding bikes, friends shooting hoops in the road, adults meeting for dinner, couples on dates, people meeting at the beach, and vacations shared together. Maintaining connections with friends in some ways has never been easier. We can text, call, video call, connect on social media, and email. In other ways, it is harder. We get distracted by our everyday responsibilities, work, devices, and overload of commitments. As a parent, it can be so tricky to keep a friendship alive with another adult. Recently, I ran into one of my old friends, a really good old friend, whom I had not seen in several years and only spoke to occasionally. Life (parenting, work, family, busyness) got in the way. Seeing her was lovely. Our kids got to meet, and we were able to sit and talk and catch up, hoping to meet again soon. Today, my children were playing basketball on our block with several other kids in the neighborhood. This was not planned in advance, as many playdates often are nowadays, but rather an organic mix of friends out and about in the neighborhood. It is very healthy to have kids organize themselves into an unstructured activity without the direction of adults. Note, kids still need to be supervised, but that can be without an adult directing or organizing the play for them.

Adults can play too! You may enjoy swimming, biking, hiking, pickleball, singing, playing instruments, crafting, shopping, talking or another fun activity. I encourage you to reach out to a friend or maybe a few friends and connect. Friendship is good and important!

For more information about the science of friendship, see The Science of Why Friendships Keep Us Healthy: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/06/cover-story-science-friendship

Parental Self-Care

Taking care of ourselves is an important and often neglected priority. We overschedule our days, long for breaks that seemingly never come, and miss the meaningful moments happening right now. What if we slowed down and checked in with ourselves to see how we are doing? 

Look at these recommendations for prioritizing self-care by loving ourselves. This will help us, in turn, to care for and love others. 

https://pmpediatriccare.com/behavioral-health/blog/prioritizing-self-love/ 

Teen Social Media Use

 

One of the most common concerns among families with teens is the use of social media. There are benefits and disadvantages, as there are with most forms of technology. This is an important topic to thoughtfully research, ask questions about, and seek guidance from a trusted source such as a mental health professional or pediatrician to have a productive discussion with your family.  

Here is a recent advisory about social media use in adolescence as summarized by the APA:  

https://www.apa.org/topics/social-media-internet/health-advisory-adolescent-social-media-use 

 

Here is a recent webinar about social media use in adolescence as presented by PM Pediatric Behavioral Health: 

https://vimeo.com/827660987 

 

I encourage you to review these resources and utilize the information to help make an informed decision for yourself and your family.  

Cinematherapy; "Yes, and"

In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, I would like to share some information about one of my favorite topics related to psychological wellness- cinematherapy. Occasionally, I will recommend a movie or show that illustrates concepts related to a particular area of mental health. Topics include, but are not limited to, exercise, medical problems, stress, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, financial struggles, divorce, family dynamics, sleep, and work.  

 

Here is an interesting article about cinematherapy: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/can_movies_help_you_become_a_better_person?utm_source=Greater+Good+Science+Center&utm_campaign=37caf0f32f-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_GG_Newsletter_May_8_2023&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_5ae73e326e-37caf0f32f-50850427 

 

One scene that particularly illustrated the “yes and” concept often used in CBT to teach communication and social skills was in a recent episode of Grey’s Anatomy. This won’t be a spoiler for those of you watching earlier seasons, as it is an isolated scene. As you watch, pay attention to the style of communication used to share some “tough love” with a loved one who is damaging relationships related to alcohol abuse history and fears of abandonment. Certainly, this is a difficult conversation. The use of “and” following “I love you” is more effective than the commonly used “but” which tends to negate the “I love you” part. This is a particularly difficult scene to watch. There is some foul language, and it deals with themes of alcoholic addiction, abandonment, negative concerns about the world at large, anxiety, and depression.  

Here is the Grey’s Anatomy scene: 

https://youtu.be/9r1oUjgJeR8

 

 
I welcome you to share recommendations from movies, shows, or books that illustrate mental health concepts with me.   

 

Talking about Difficult Topics with Kids

 Happy Spring!

 

There are times when we find it difficult to explain a big concept about very real-life issues to a child we care about in our life. These topics may include poverty, divorce, stress, trauma, or grief. Sesame Street in Communities has a wonderful collection of resources available for free for families and schools.

https://sesamestreetincommunities.org/

 

 I hope these are helpful resources for your family!

A Case of the "What-ifs"

 The “what-if” question is a commonly expressed theme related to anxiety. People stress and fret about all the things that could happen. These thoughts tend to skew negative (“what if I don’t get an A on that paper?)  and even at times catastrophic (“what if I never graduate college?”). I challenge you to think- what if we explored and decided to accept and embrace or dismiss and redirect “what-ifs” instead of worrying about them?  How would this look? How can you challenge your current habits and develop a new healthier approach? Consider reaching out to a mental health professional who practices Cognitive Behavior Therapy to dive deeper into this skill. 

 

Another form of “what-if" questioning involves problem solving. When we are presented with a stressor or problem, we have the opportunity to develop ideas and explore solutions. This builds resilience, and problem-solving skills. For some fun, watch this video that illustrates this concept.  

 

 

I wonder, What if, Let's Try! 

 

Hailee Steinfeld Teaches How To Solve Problems (Sing Along) | Sesame Street | HBO Max Family 

Playing Outdoors

 

Do you remember spending hours outside when you were younger? Maybe you enjoyed going for bike rides, walks, digging in the dirt, playing kickball, or swinging. I loved playing two-hand touch football in the street with any friends and friends of friends in the neighborhood. Someone would yell “car!” when they saw a vehicle coming and we would all move to the side, wait for the car to drive by, and then happily reset the play. We would be outside almost every day for several hours. We weren’t pulled by digital distractions like texting, or watching short videos being fed to us in an endless stream of content. We just were. We had fun, enjoyed fresh air, the company of others, and nature. We learned how to work together, build a team, solve problems, handle disagreements, learn about each other, and expand our communication skills. Today I enjoy taking mindful walks in nature as often as possible. During these times, I feel happy to see kids and teens still playing outside together. Riding bikes, meeting up at the local playground (and getting there independently-woo-hoo!) and taking walks together are all great ways to be outside.  

Here is an article about the power of playing outside.

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/power-of-play/Pages/playing-outside-why-its-important-for-kids.aspx

Happy Reading!